Trying to move forward : Santa Catalina

Deciding to stay in Panama was the best decision I could have made. Although the next while was hard, it would have been harder thinking about what I gave up. I kept changing my mind, thinking I should have gone home, but my best friend from home told me to remember my tattoo, living for today, and what my whole life had been about up to this point. Elisa was with her best friend Tara, and Jordan, and would have her support system back in Edmonton. There was nothing more I could do to help. Tara would rejoin me after the funeral. All I prayed for was that Elisa would one day be ok, and that one day she would find love that pure again. Although I haven’t spoken to her in years, Tara and I still keep in touch, and I was ecstatic to find out that Elisa did find love again, and got married recently. 

What do we do now?

After Tara and Jordan flew back to Edmonton, I was left with Frank, whom I liked, but had no idea how travelling alone with him would be. We had a boat and bus booked for the next day to Santa Catalina and were at a loss for what to do until then. We ended up finding a local beach with a shack for a bar and barely any people. I ordered vodka with a dash of water and orange juice and chugged. We didn’t know what to do or how to act, or how to feel in the given situation. So we drank until we didn’t feel anymore. We sat on the beach for the rest of the day until the sun set, reminiscing about our short but memorable time with Carl. As the sun went down we stumbled back to our hostel and got some food. I don’t remember what I ate, but I do remember how I felt the next morning. 

Bus Ride from Hell

I had such a bad pain in my stomach I thought I was having contractions. I was keeled over on the floor in pain. I didn’t think I would be able to make the boat. The stomach pains were probably a blessing in disguise because they distracted me from what had happened earlier in the week. The bus ride to Santiago was absolute hell; bumpy and windy, I couldn’t even take in the amazing views because I was trying with everything I had to not shit my pants. 

Things Might be looking up

When we finally arrived in Santa Catalina I decided the painful bus ride was worth it. We were staying in Oasis Surf Camp – A long flat beach with the perfect uniform waves to learn how to surf on. There were colourful cabanas with hammocks on the balcony spotted all along the beach, and a beautiful reception/ restaurant area right off of the beach. You had to cross a river with your ruck sack to get to here, so if the tide was high you would have to get soaked or wait it out. 

Walking on the Sky

Our Cabana was not going to be ready until the next day. Camp in a tent they said. It will be fun they said. FUCK THAT SHIT.  It wasn’t until our feet had been bitten to shit that we realised our tent must have been pitched on a red ant pile. We didn’t know what to do so we threw all our shit out of the tent and poured water over the floor to try and drown them out. We had a litre of vodka with us, so as we waited for the floor to dry out, we did what any respectable Canadian would do and drank. It was only then that we noticed the breathtaking sky. Stars like I have never seen before in my life, and like I have never seen again since then. We both stopped in utter astonishment and just looked. We walked out onto the beach and noticed the ground was like glass. The beach was about half a km deep – the waves would rush all the way up, and as they slowly rolled back out to the ocean, they left the sand reflecting the sky like a mirror. It was the most amazing experience I have ever had in my life. As you walked along the beach you could see every single star underneath your feet – it was as if we were walking on the sky. It was nothing other than magical. I stopped, listened to the silence, took in my surroundings, and could feel, without a doubt, Carl’s presence. We both dropped to our knees, and just sat. In Silence. And knew, everything was going to be ok.